testing something

I have moved my site hosting and I am testing disregard

Driveway

I found a pretty cool site today. I have been looking for something to host files on for my grandma to download. She is a couple states away and really, not all that tech saavy. I needed something that was easier for her to use and yet robust enough that I was willing to use it to send large files.

Things like pictures, videos and how to documents mostly are what I needed it for but there is the rare occasion I need to upload something larger than 100MB and Driveway fit the bill. Easy, free and no registration. Seriously, what more could I ask for?

Change

There are a lot of changes going on within my company. Most I don't understand, a few I fear. I hate that I don't have the whole picture of what is going on. The curiosity gets the better of me at times. At other times, my stubborn nature kicks in and I want to dig my heels simply for the sake of digging my heels in. This generally results in me getting a surefire Godsmack to the back of my head. I forget at times that if I was supposed to know everything, I would.

I am looking into going back to school at the next semester. I want to go back and get my teaching credentials. I am quite tired of doing a job that is just a job and not something I love. I figure since I have to go to work every day, logically, shouldn't it be something I love going to? I can take online classes to finish my undergrad stuff up at least. I want to start out slow to try to prevent the whole "OMG, its too much too fast" that leads to me quitting.

Change is inevitable and I must remember to embrace it rather than fight it. Fighting it only leaves me with battle scars and frustration. Embracing it leaves me with grace and dignity.

Rants - traffic and driving habits

Yes, rants. Not rats. But rants.

Traffic Rants - this one is the biggest for me. I commute a total of 50 miles a day round trip on surface streets between work and home. I bet I have seen it all.

Why is it than when people come to a merge in the road they speed ahead to cut off the rest of traffic who is doing the right thing? Merging is not hard. No, not all. The left lane goes, the right lane goes, the left lane goes again. Theoretically, if everyone is doing is right, you end up with one car between you and the person you were behind. Yes, but here... it seems that signs of lanes being closed means you go as fast as you can to get in front of people. Why??? Will that 30 seconds really make the difference in your life? I suppose if you have to pee really really bad it might but come on!

And what is up with the people that zig zag through traffic? I have more fun watching them only to get up to the next light and be right next to them. I often smile and wave. Not even an old fashioned one finger wave, just a wave. As in hahaha you dip, all your rudeness got you nowhere fast. Literally.

I'm guessing that turn signals must be optional equipment these days on most cars. I'm guessing too that the price for them is so outrageous that its unthinkable to buy them. My car is older but it came with them originally. I haven't bought a new car in forever so maybe its a feature that is no longer standard? It seems to be the new fad to go fast to get around someone only to slam on your brakes and make a turn with no signal. Better yet are the ones I call drifters. They just sort of drift into your lane, usually cutting you off, with no turn signal in sight. I'd like to get a sign made on an old Bingo placard that reads "Guess your car came without turn signals" to flash at them.

Is it really that hard to go the speed limit? I'm not asking you go above it but when you are going 35mph in a 45 zone, it would be nice if you could do at least 42. Especially if you are in the fast lane. Its quite frustrating to be the car behind you that can't change lanes because everyone else is trying to get out from behind your turtle butt.

I was driving home today from the store and I came upon a younger than me guy in an older than mine car. The car was old. I think it might have been close to my age at least. Yet the stereo system would have put most theaters to shame and the rims were flashy enough to blind someone at the right angle. Ok, not my style but its not my car. Though it is silly to me to have accessories cost more than the car itself. And when the radio is up so loud with the bass thumping so hard it rattle my steering wheel... well, we got a problem. How is that pleasant to listen to? Are you meaning to provide the music for my car too? If so, can we change the station? Perhaps you are trying to synchronize your heartbeat? If I can't hear my radio though over the sound of yours... maybe you could turn it down? I have a baby in the backseat and I would prefer not having his whole body rattled by your bass.

My biggest pet peeve of all... the way some people use turn lanes when there is more than one at an intersection. See here is how it works... if you want to be in the left lane on the street you are turning on to, get in the left lane of the turning section. The same goes for wanting to be in the right lane, just get in the right lane of that turning section. This is especially useful if you are going to be making another left or right in the vicinity. If I know that the next time I am going to turn is left, well, I get in the left lane. Vice versa for the right. Its a pretty easy concept I think. Not too hard to manage in my opinion. Yet so many people get in the left turning lane to then cut off someone else to make another right. Why is that? Am I exceptionally smart to have figured this out? I somehow doubt it. I realize that there will always be those that are lost, unsure of where they are going but for the most part, they are the minority. Yet the majority drive like that. I just don't get it.

This post is brought to you by someone that doesn't feel like she owns the road, tries to be considerate of other drivers and hopes that they will be considerate of her.

Lap band

Since having Alex, I have had a really hard time getting rid of the baby weight. Part of it comes from not having the time to exercise and part of it comes from not eating right. I despise what my body looks like now. I treasure my stretch marks as if they are warrior stripes because really, being a mom and having a child does make one a warrior. I hate though the extra pounds that are left.

I do not qualify for a gastric bypass and even if I did, I have heard so many horror stories about complications, I am just not sure I could go that route. I have seen commercials though lately for a new type of weight loss surgery called the lap band. Its interesting to me the way it works. I like the fact that it is an outpatient surgery and can be removed later if it needs to be.

I really need to change how I am eating, exercise more and focus on the quality of food rather than how fast I can grab it and go. Its something that I haven't done the way I need to. With my 21st birthday coming up for the tenth time, well, its time to start doing things different. It is nice though to know that there is a solution out there for those that are unable to get to the place they want to be physically.

Even Mommy needs to have fun

Last night I was playing a game on my computer and I felt guilty about the time spent doing so. It got me thinking "Why should I feel guilty?". Alex was asleep. The laundry was done. The house was cleaned up. The backyard was mowed and cleaned up. The dog was feed and loved. Yet I still felt guilty about taking a little "me" time. I have spent the last 15 and a half months being a mom. During that time, I have grown away from myself. To a large extent, Bratshannon has ceased to exist and Momshannon has come into existence. I don't want to teach my son that having kids means you stop living.

Yes, having kids changes one's life. A lot. Yes, it is hard being a parent. And it is harder still to be a single parent. Instead of being able to share the duties, the worries, the energy- it is left to one to fill the place of two. That doesn't mean though that I should stop being me.

As Alex is getting older, I can see the independence he is gaining. He has gone from needing and wanting to be held 24/7 to an independent little boy that is content and secure enough to play on his own (supervised, of course). Soon enough he will be going off to school, having sports to practice for and friends to hang with. After that it will be college and a family of his own.

If I lose myself now, there is no guarantee of finding myself later. This leads to then either being miserable or worse, having Alex feel like he needs to care take to my social needs. It is better to continue to nurture him while nurturing me. This allows both of us the ability to grow, change and learn while being 2 separate people. 2 half people making 1 whole do not function healthily in life.

The moral of the story:

Taking time to do something pointless in the name of "me" time is good and right.

Post #400 (for lack of a better title)

I am so glad its Friday! 2 days of playing and having fun with my boy.

I realized this afternoon that I talk to Alex like he is 30. I explain my reasoning to him, the logic behind decisions I make and the things I do. Its rather funny when I think about it. Either he will learn to tune me out rather quickly or he will learn to be very long winded! :)

In the computer world, I got Office 2007 in the mail a couple days ago and installed it this evening. Through work, we get a program called Microsoft Home Use and it allows us to buy certain software packages for very low prices. $21 for the Office 2007 suite and Visio. Pretty darn cheap if you ask me! It has a few new cool features in it for Outlook. The ability to check RSS feeds is really nice. It looks a lot like 2003 though it is more blue instead of silver/grey. I haven't launched all the apps yet but I would imagine there are some nice new features to play with in each one. I did like with Outlook that it had the ability to go out to my ISP and grab all the settings for me. THAT was nice instead of having to configure it manually (although that is still an option too).

TGI (almost)F

What an expensive day! I got in my car at lunch to leave and found I had a dead battery. Site security happened to be driving through. I thought Woohoo! I am lucky, they'll jump my car. Turns out that no, this was one of the many services that was cut in the name of "efficiency". I called a coworker in the lab and luckily he had cables and was able to jump my car. The battery was really old, had a lot of corrosion so I am not surprised it died. I didn't leave any lights on or anything so it just died. $75 for a new battery at Wal-Mart. Of course in the process of them changing it, I looked around. I found a memory foam mattress topper, 4 inches thick for a good price, plus some household stuff. Yeah... it got expensive fast. I have been eyeing the memory foam for 3 months though. And really that is the best price I am going to find for that thickness. PLUS, I am hopeful it will help Alex sleep better which in turn will help me sleep better.

We went out to dinner tonight with some friends. Its the first time in I don't know how long I have been out on a weeknight. It was really nice. The food was great. Its a place called Fresh Choice and its an all you can eat salad bar, plus they have a bread bar, pasta, soups, pretty much everything. Alex ate a ton. I ate a ton. We both left full and sleepy.

Before I had Alex, I never really thought much about parenting. I just figured it was natural to some extent and learned to a different extent. I find myself sometimes amazed at all that I know, how much has been instinctual and how much has been following Alex's lead. I wonder when he gets older what memories he will have of his childhood. I wonder if he will remember the silly songs I sing him that I make up as I go, the lullabies that pop into my head that are made up and often make no sense. I wonder if he will remember the feeling of being loved and cherished or if, because it is so present, it will just be the way things are and something not noticed.

I often worry that I am not doing enough to help him learn. I hear about kids that can identify noses, ears, eyes, dogs and cats. These kids are younger or about the same age as Alex yet, he's not there yet. He can go and get a ball if you ask him where his ball is. He knows what yucky and "throw that away" mean. Maybe its just that kids learn different things at different times. Maybe its a sign that I am not working with him enough. I hate the feeling of failing as a parent. I hate the feeling of not knowing what I am doing and that lack of knowledge impacting my son. I despise being so uncertain at my ability and my quality of motherhood performance. I am hoping all moms go through this, as selfish as that hope is.


Tomorrow is Friday and for that I am very grateful.

Credit Card education

When I was much younger (because you know, now I am old), I didn't really know anything about credit cards nor did I learn how to choose a credit card based on the cards merits. I pretty much just applied and got them. When I was 18, I was so far in debt, I couldn't see a way out. I had done credit counseling, I had done debt consolidation and I had tried debt management. The problem was though that what I was earning didn't come near what I owed in terms of monthly payments. I ruined my credit only 3 years into having it.

Fast forward a few years. I was in a better place as far as maturity. I was older, wiser and more responsible, or so I thought. I had a great job that I enjoyed working for a dot com start-up company. I was making crazy good money for my age and so the cycle began again. It started out getting a credit card for "emergency purposes" and to help raise my credit score. Before I knew it though, I was laid off. So all the debt I had incurred in the name of "emergencies" and "charge and pay" habits was right back on my back.

I truly believe that credit now is one of the things in life I no longer can safely use. I don't possess a credit card. I have a savings account for "emergencies" and I am in the process of once again going through credit counseling. I firmly believe that a personal finance class should be required while students are in their junior or senior years of high school. A class that will teach them how to read the fine print of credit card offers and to truly learn how to choose a credit card wisely. A class that will break down the long term cost of irresponsible credit card usage and how it will impact them 10, 20 or even 30 years later in life. A class that will layout the ramifications of a low credit score.

I wish I had known at 18 what I know now about credit cards. I wish I had gone through a seminar or class in which I could learn how to choose a credit card wisely.

Responsibility

For the first time in my life I am really living on a budget. I don't mean that I am rigid in where money goes but I have a good system going. The first of the month I pay a few bills, rent being the biggest and most of that paycheck. The 15th of the month, I pay everything else. I like sitting down the night of the 15th, entering everything into Quicken and submitting it through BillPay. I genuinely like the feeling of being responsible with my money. Its not like there is a ton to toss around. I mean, the ends meet but just barely. It feels good though to see that every month, they are paid and on time. I called a couple places (PG&E, car insurance) and had them move the due date to after the 15th to make it work. And it does. And it feels great.

Whoda thunk it?

Alex's hearing test went perfect last week. It was kind of cool the way they do it. They had Alex and I in a dim room that was sound proofed. On each side of us there was a speak with a glass box attached to the speaker. Inside the box there was a stuffed animal and a light. The audiologist had the ability to play the sound, activate the light illuminating the stuffed animal or both. When she testing him on hearing voices, he passed no problem. Each time she spoke, he turned to the direction the sound was coming from without prompting and without the light coming on.

When she tested him on his ability to hear tones, he stopped responding. Completely. She came in, Alex got to run around the room for a bit and then we started testing again. Same thing. She told me that it could be he is too smart to look because who cares about tones. So for the next series, when she played the tone, she turned the light on and I pointed it out to Alex. When he looked, he got a kiss, a hug and a high 5. Then we got his attention back to her through the glass in the middle and did it again. Once he got the hang of what we wanted, he did fine. She tested him at 10, 15 and 20 decibels, all passed in each of the 3 tone pitches she tested.

I didn't realize how worried I was until I had tears rolling down my face when he was responding the way he should. I am SO relieved it is not his hearing. She said that she will send the results to his Ped and we should get a call from her on Monday or Tuesday with the next step. She said off the record, he is a bright kid that probably just has no interest in talking right now. Her son had 1 word until he was 23 months. When he started talking, it was full sentences from the get go. I'm hoping that is something similar for us.

Wizetrade

When I first start with the company I am at now, I was told a bunch things in regards to the stock that was part of my pay plan. I had NO stock education other than to know that people buy and sell them, that sometimes you lose money and sometimes you make money. I really wish I had seen Wizetrade then. I think I could have made a more educated decision about when to sell and when to buy.

There are so many places on the web now to learn about trading and investing. Wizetrade offers so many different educational services in regards to trading and investing. The services cover information for both the novice and the expert trader.

Its also pretty cool to be able to see the trending of a stock and its performance compared to its original prediction. Wizetrade is an awesome service that offers just about anything one could want in regards to learning more information about the securities world.

Do you hear that?

Can you hear that? No? Are you sure? Really?

Its the sound of silence. The wonderful, precious, glorious sound of nothingness. No toddler crying, whining, demanding, babbling. No dog barking, begging, scratching, licking. No phone ringing. No people talking. Nothing. Sweet, pure nothingness.

I was never one to really enjoy silence until I had my son. Once I had him, there was always noise. Somewhere, even if it was only my brain going a mile a minute. Tonight, there is just bliss.

Last night was a hard night. Alex woke up screaming off and on all night. It seemed that as soon as I fell back asleep each time, he was back up screaming like someone was sticking needles in him. I can't find a cause. No fever, comfortable temperature in the room, full belly, no new foods. Trust me, I ran through the gamut in my head last night. Needless to say, this morning was very difficult to get going moving. He then had a very rough morning at daycare, I had a rough morning at work. Both of us short tempered and overall cranky.

He fell asleep early tonight, as will I. Silence is not something that I thought about prior to having him. Money, sleep, energy, health, money, money, money, yes. Silence, no. Its something I find that I crave some days. Our days are so filled between work, daycare, commuting, dinner, and bath that by the time it is over with, there is little energy to expend simply enjoying the quiet.

Cruiser bikes

A couple years ago, a friend of mine told be about her new cruiser bike. I saw it and instantly fell in love. It was SO cute. I was living downtown at the time and it was easy to ride or walk to a lot of places. I decided I just had to have one. I did a lot of research online about cruiser bikes, checking out the different styles, the prices and what not. I ended up buying a Powder Blue beach cruiser made by Huffy. It was a dream to ride! I of course added a basket and a bell to it. I rode my cruiser bike all over town that summer and fall. It was super comfortable and the exercise was good for me. I found an attachment online that was made to allow a dog to run next to you. Freedom had a blast too once we got the coordination down!

Cruiser bikes are definitely not something that a hard core cyclist would ride, mainly because there aren't any gears on them so going up hills and stuff was a little harder than I was used to. Mountain bikers and BMX rider probably wouldn't enjoy the cruiser bikes either but for those of us that just ride occasionally and want to enjoy a nice Spring day.... they are perfect.

Once Alex gets big enough, I want to get something so that I can take him on a ride too. I have great visions of him and I someday riding bikes together.

iMom Robot

Should I be tasked to create a new robotic invention for a company, I would have to create the iMom.

The iMom would have the following capabilities:

Should I be tasked to create a new robotic invention for a company, I would create the iMom.

The iMom would have the following capabilities:

• Change a poopy diaper without fliching at the smell - regardless of what the baby had eaten the night before


• Pick up all soiled clothing and instantly launder it in time to make it on the back of the child that just realized it is red shirt day - 5 minutes before the bus arrives


• Prepare individual meals for each person in the home as if the dinner table was a table in a diner


• Bathe one child while reading a story to another and preparing hot chocolate for a third


• Utter the phrase "Just wait until your father gets home!" in 12 different languages using the child's first, middle and last name for only the most henious of infractions


• Proactively catch any flying object in the home before it hits ceramic or glass


• Have the ability to predictively know where the other shoe is for each child based on the child's habits and past

The iMom would stand at approximately 5'6, wear a size 12 comfortably 3 weeks out of the month and a size 14 the other week. She would have hair that could easily be styled by her children during dress up games before reverting back to the look of the day. She would also have eyes in the back of her head to be able to always say "I see what you're doing". The iMom would also perform all grocery shopping, class trips, household errands all while assisting the children with school projects that are being completed at the last minute.
The iMom retails for the low, low price of $1995.00 in addition to unconditional love, appreciation and devotion.

Racist or not? You be the judge

I see how it could be taken that way upon first glance. I do, though, think that there are a lot of group crying "Racism!" without taking a further look at the ad. Was it a bonehead move to publish the ad on the part of Intel? 100% yes. Yes it was. Is it an ad that never should have seen the light of day? Yes, yes it is. Is it an ad symbolizing black men bowing to white men? No. Not at all.

Take a closer look at the ad. It is one track star multiplied in an "on your mark" position getting ready to race, to win at speed. Intel is about speed, performance and the ability to lead the pack in their technological advances. If they had the track runner in an AMD green tracksuit in that position, I would be more inclined to agree that there are hidden undertones of racism that were intended. That is not the case here.

In today's society, it seems there is always someone attempting to show how they have been wronged, oppressed, or victimized by another. Whether it is a company or an individual, whether it is an intended or unintended slight... these things do not seem to matter. They have been wronged and that is all anyone will hear about it.

When does personal accountability come into play for our perceptions? Is it possible that when I perceive society to be out to oppress me that I will look for examples until I find it? Even if there are none? Is it possible that my expectation of being discriminated against because I am female will lead me to make decisions subconsciously putting me in a place so I can find fault with others?

If we are all striving for equality, as most of us say we are, shouldn't we then be willing to give up the preferential treatment we receive for being female, black, brown, green or purple? I personally, would like to be able to apply for a job with a number. Not a name, not anything other than a number to identify myself as a candidate. Hiring managers should not be given quotas in regards to hiring any specific minority for any job. The best qualified candidate should be hired. Regardless of race, creed, sex or religion. Isn't that what the Fair Act is all about?